


Is that Why Everything is on Fire?

by T-Phon (TahnosTisiphone)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Cockroach - Freeform, Comedy, Drabble, Gen, Humor, Team Mustang - Freeform, insect, one day at headquarters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 11:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3766771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TahnosTisiphone/pseuds/T-Phon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Mustang faces the challenges of an insect in the office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is that Why Everything is on Fire?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a quote from Thor: The Dark World.

One day, at headquarters, Team Mustang had a meltdown over a roach in the office. Lieutenant Hawkeye was not present in the room, as she was delivering completed paperwork to its respective recipients.

The roach originally crawled out from under Havoc's desk. Seeing it, Havoc shrugged and tried to lower his foot down on it to crush it, but the roach was too fast. Havoc grew increasingly frustrated as the roach kept darting away from his foot, becoming more and more determined to kill it.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc, could you cease with that stomping?" Colonel Mustang sounded pissed. He had clearly hoped to take advantage of Hawkeye's absence by taking a ten minute nap, which was currently being interrupted by the sound of Havoc's foot on the floor.

"It's just a roach, sir. I can't seem to kill it!" Havoc chuckled with gritted teeth, careful not to let his cigarette fall from his mouth.

Breda paled. "A roach?" He raised his feet up off the floor, crossing his legs in his chair. "Those things carry all sorts of diseases! Don't let it come near me."

"Awe, come on! Leave the poor little guy alone! It's not like he's actually hurting anyone!" Fuery stood and walked around to Havoc's desk, bending down to look as the palm-sized insect. He reached his hand out toward it, just as Havoc's foot came crashing back down in another attempt to squash it.

Fuery screamed and clutched his hand, earning a deeply apologetic look from Havoc. "Sorry about that!"

The roach then darted across the room, scurrying quickly past Breda's desk. Breda shuddered and crawled on top of his desk, knocking paperwork off as he did so. "Someone, kill it!"

Roy Mustang stood up with a huff. It didn't look like he was going to get his nap, after all. "For the love of _GOD_ , men!" He pulled his ignition glove onto his hand and marched over to the roach, which had run into the wall and seemed perplexed on which path to take next.

_SNAP_

Fire shot toward the roach and seemed to envelop it. "There!" Mustang smirked at his men triumphantly. "How to kill a roach!"

Havoc didn't look impressed. "Uh, sir?"

"Yes?"

"You missed." The roach was now running in a confused pattern, seeking safety while unknowingly traveling closer to the men. Breda picked up the stapler on his desk and threw it at the roach, missing.

Fuery ran over with a piece of his paperwork. "If we can get him on this, we can just dump him out the window!"

_SNAP_

The paperwork, which Fuery had extended toward the roach, caught fire as Mustang tried once more. Fuery dropped it with a yelp.

"Dammit, I missed!"

_SNAP SNAP SNAP_

Mustang kept missing, leaving scorch marks on the floor and walls. "He's too fast!" The roach had managed to climb halfway up the wall by Mustang's next attempt, which was also a miss.

Then, the roach took flight. A high-pitched screaming came forth from Breda's mouth. Havoc tried to swat it down with his own paperwork. Mustang continued to fling fire at it.

_SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP_

Havoc's paperwork caught fire in the process.

Team Mustang was too distracted by the roach to hear the office door open and then close. The roach had finally landed on one of the walls, and Mustang was closing in with an agitated grin.

"I have you, now!"

A shot rang out through the office and the roach fell from the wall, now in two pieces. It continued to wriggle on the floor for a few seconds before finally stopping with a final, violent twitch.

Mustang slowly turned to look at a less than amused Hawkeye. He watched as her eyes scanned the room, from Breda's cowering form on his desk, to the burning pieces of paperwork, to the scorch marks scattered throughout the office.

"We had this completely under control!"

Hawkeye put her gun away and glared at her commanding officer. "Is that why everything is on fire, sir?"


End file.
